Dog urinating on photos of Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage

Dog urinating on photos of Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage

By Richard Shrubb

Tory MP Mark Francois clearly wants to blow the UK’s brains out with a hard Brexit. As the Sky News presenter said on a debate between him and a former international trade negotiator this week, “if it’s your choice to blow your head off, you don’t take it, at least not very often.”

The debate at hand

Gammon, Mark Francios MP, speaking in the House of Commons.

Gammony gammon Mark Francois MP.

The TV debate was between Tory fundamentalist Brexiteer MP Francois facing former international trade negotiator David Henig. As ever when a debate between a deluded fundamentalist happens with a rational realist, the bullshit was quite amusing to behold!

Everything from blind faith in the potential lunatic leader Boris ‘Bollocks’ Johnson to the old half-intellectual half-truths signify the fundamentalist hasn’t a fucking clue.

Henig explained to the TV presenter, “No deal equals trade barriers, tariffs on UK goods into the EU, technical barriers, inspections, loss of privileges to provide services across the EU. That all happens in the event of no deal. No deal is no deal, there is no mystery WTO provision that allows you to get out of the mess.”

Have you spoken to an antivaxxer lately or a chemtrail believer or even one of those bellends who thinks Jeremy Corbyn is an antisemite? This is what Henig faced by return. After Henig explained that 122,000 jobs could be hit in the motor manufacturing industry alone, Francois responded, “the fundamental point is if they’re going to be hit, at least it would be our choice.”

TV presenter Adam Boulton was perfect in his response: “Yes I know but if it’s your choice to blow your head off, you don’t take it, at least not very often.”

Francois didn’t see the humour and said, “As a matter of fact Adam, I am not blowing my head off today, nor am I planning to!” This sounds like some sort of religious cult member told by their cult leader that if they drink battery acid Jesus will cure them.

Bollocks Johnson

That cult leader appears to be Bonkers BoJo. Francois is one of those mesmerised by the cult of BoJo who others simply call by his real name ‘Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson’. To me, ‘Pfeffel’ sounds like another word, ‘piffle’ – another word for ‘bollocks’. Hence we will call him Bollocks Johnson.

Francois said of Bollocks Johnson, “what would be fundamentally different would be we would have a prime minister who finally stood up for us.” That’s right, Bollocks will save us from reality! The Brexit fundamentalist continued, “He wouldn’t – for instance – give the EU £39 billion for nothing in return. Any businessmen would tell you that is a ludicrous way to negotiate, but that’s how we did.” Yeah right.

Placard from London anti Brexit march 2019 with Borish Johnson superimposed onto Theresa May's bottom.

May becomes Bollocks Johnson.

The half-truths started spouting from the cult follower’s mouth, like how we could offer 0% tariffs on everything we imported. Henig laughed that off, asking if we were offering free entry to all goods from around the world, what negotiating position would we have in asking tariffs be reduced on our goods by return?

I thought that a hard Brexit by Bollocks Johnson was about a hard negotiation? This appears to be lying face down with our arse cheeks apart offering free hole in the hope we’ll get some hole from them sometime.

The suicidal fundamentalist then tried half intellectual approaches, talking of ‘TRQs’ which stands for ‘Tariff Rate Quotas’ where we would unilaterally impose tariffs on some imported goods but not others. Henig said that’s true, but we cannot control other countries’ tariffs on our goods. Barriers will go up and the economy will sink like a rock.

Suicidal fundamentalism

Suicide for a greater cause is not new in this world. The Berserkers of Nordic legend fought to the death in a trance. Japanese soldiers, sailors and airmen would frequently put their bodies forward for the greater good of the Empire in the latter stages of World War II. Tamil freedom fighters used to blow themselves up in terrorist atrocities. You may have noticed I’ve ignored another bunch of nut jobs in recent history but I’m not a gammon.

Gammons it seems are suicidal too. They want the country’s economy to die on its arse so “Britain can be great again”. I’ve a suggestion – why don’t we launch all the intercontinental ballistic nuclear missiles on our Trident submarines? If aimed at every population centre of the UK mainland we can die like true patriots! At least no-one will be unemployed after the mushroom clouds go up.

The alternative would be to save on the ICBMs and instead offer the same gammons a homeland like Rockall and leave them to fend for themselves. The rest of us could remain in the EU and live as we did before Bollocks Johnson lied his way to referendum victory.

Placard from London 2019 anti Brexit march saying: "Skint Nigel Farage rakes in £790,000 and makes the MEP rich list on top of his €100,000-a-year salary and won’t revoke his EU pension.

Protestors mock leader of Brexit party Nigel Farage at the London anti-Brexit March 2019.

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