The moment Theresa May outside Downing Street announces in tears she is to resign.

The moment Theresa May outside Downing Street announces in tears she is to resign.

By Chris Bovey

This morning Theresa May finally announced what many of us had been expecting, she’s finally going to fuck off.

Tories will be relieved, as she is unelectable and people who care about the country will be relieved as she is totally incompetent. Campaign strategists for other parties might be slightly upset, as from their point of view, having a toxic PM is always good when you want to win the next election.

The truth is though, nothing has changed. She was a terrible Home Secretary who inherited the Conservative Party in a mess and left it in a bigger mess. The late Labour ex-Chancellor Dennis Healey’s first law of politics: “when you’re in a hole, stop digging.” May kept digging.

It’s not the end or even the end of the beginning

Former Tory Cabinet Minister, David Mellor told Sky News: “I’d never ever thought I’d see the Conservative Party in the mess it’s in right now and the mere fact Theresa May goes does not mean the end of the mess.

“It’s not the end or even the end of the beginning and the ability of the Conservative Party, which is not a united party anymore, to rip itself apart, we’re going to see that, during what will be an extremely divisive leadership campaign.

“Apparently, there are 17 candidates in race,” said Mellor, adding “If you’re a racing man and you‘ve got 17 trainers in a race that says their horse has got a chance of winning then you know there isn’t a decent horse in the race and that is the situation the Conservative party finds itself in.”

Mellor pointed out whoever replaces May will be chosen by the ever-declining Tory membership of predominantly elderly supporters who are committed to a Brexit that is unachievable in what he described as a “selectorate”, rather than an “electorate” of a large body of people.

Mellor is of course right. The Tories can rearrange the deckchairs on the Titanic, but that doesn’t mean someone else will be able to magic up the pink unicorns promised by May and the Tory Right or the bonkers KIPPERS.

She cried at being forced to stand down. It’s a shame she did not have some tears for the cancer patients dying in stress as they were sanctioned from benefits at the most vulnerable time of their life!

Terrible Home Secretary, terrible P.M.

Theresa May and Lord Buckethead at her constituency count in Maidenhead, 2017.

Stand aside Theresa, Lord Buckethead could do the job better than you.

May was a terrible Home Secretary, she was behind the Windrush Scandal, created the hostile environment for immigrants, and tried to alter a Home Office report into drugs commissioned by the Liberal Democrats because she didn’t like its conclusions.

She is a perfect example that talent is not necessarily a barrier to climbing the greasy pole of politics. Her own party have now stabbed her in the back, despite the fact her own MPs passed a vote of confidence in her only a few months ago.

The disaster May has encountered was inevitable. I’m sure Jeremy Corbyn is privately glad he did not win a few more seats at the last election and became the Prime Minister when May unexpectedly threw away the small Parliamentary she inherited from Cameron, otherwise he would have been handed the poisoned chalice of the Brexit shambles.

The only comfort May can take is in a few months’ time she may be able to console herself with the fact that whoever succeeds her as Tory leader will face exactly the same problems as her and will not be able to deliver any pink unicorns either.

If we end up with that obese mendacious unprincipled lying slug, Boris Johnson in Number 10, he will find exactly the same hurdles that Theresa May encountered. She can take some comfort from that if Boris does actually become Prime Minister then at least she will not hold the record of the lousiest PM this country has ever seen for very long.

For the rest of the country, Lord Buckethead would be an improvement on anything the Tories have to offer.

Chris Bovey, writer and musician.

Chris Bovey is a businessman, writer, artist, musician and practical joker. He lives in Devon with his partner, two children and cat. You can follow him on Facebook or Twitter @ADHD_BadBoy.

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