Photo of Boris Johnson looking very hungover after attending a party at hosted by billionaire socialite, Evgeny Lebedev.

Photo of Boris Johnson looking very hungover after attending a party at hosted by billionaire socialite, Evgeny Lebedev.

By Chris Bovey

BoJo knows he isn’t going to get a ‘No Deal’ through Parliament and the EU are not going to give in to his demands, like every other sane person, they see through this clown.

The tiny Tory Commons majority with the help of the religious bigots from the DUP in Northern Ireland has almost been wiped out. That’s going down by one next week after the Lib Dems take a seat from the Tories in the Brecon and Radnorshire by-election.

Boris Johnson depicted as the Pennywise the evil clown from the Stephen King film, It.

BoJo Pennywise the evil clown.

There is no way BoJo the Clown can push a ‘No Deal’ Brexit through Parliament, which is why he will try to bypass Parliament. However, it’s not clear if he will be able to do that, especially with a very clever Speaker who will do everything in his power to stop him from doing that.

General election

This inevitably would mean a General Election, which polling trends show the Tories would likely have a net loss of seats, not gains. If the polls are correct it would still result in another Hung Parliament, but not one where BoJo would be able to command a majority in the Commons.

How can we predict the outcome of an election? Well nobody has a crystal ball and even the polls get it wrong sometimes, although they get it right far more than they get it wrong, yet people tend to only remember the ones where they got it wrong.

The Tories have been losing seats to the pro-EU Lib Dems in local government by-elections in safe Tory seats. Now there’s nothing particularly unusual to a governing party losing seats to the centrist Lib Dems in by-elections, but some of the swings against the Tories have been huge, as we saw last night and last week and the week before.

The Tories are scoring around 18-25% in national opinion polls. They scored their lowest-ever share of the national vote in the recent Euro elections since they were formed in 1834 with just 8.8% in 5th place. They did very badly in last May’s local elections, losing Councillors mainly to the pro-EU Lib Dems, as well as also doing very badly every week in local government by-elections.

Low poll ratings, poor performance in local government elections, lowest ever national vote percentage for the Tories since their inception in 1834, defections and regular by-election losses do not bode well for a party hoping to win enough seats in a General Election to form a government.

Brouhaha and burblespeak

We must buckle down for the next few days and prepare ourselves for a diatribe of brouhaha and burblespeak coming from No. 10.

BoJo is all hot air, anybody can say the words “we can just do it if we have the spirit and stiff British upper lip”, etc., He was mocked by May’s Chancellor, Phillip Hammond, for this attitude he had during his disastrous stint as Foreign Secretary.

Hammond is on the record as saying Boris had “never been a detail man”.

Mr Hammond, who was perceived as a tad dull, once broke into an impression of BoJo at a speech he gave in 2018.

He said: “Boris sits there and at the end of it he says ‘yeah but, er, there must be a way, I mean, if you just, if you, erm, come on, we can do it Phil, we can do it. I know we can get there.’ And that’s it!”

He added: “You know? No rebuttal of the arguments …

“‘We just have to want it a bit more, we just have to wish a bit harder, we just have to be a bit more bullish and it will all be fine.’

“But it won’t all be fine because we are dealing with grown-ups here and we have to deal with the real-world situation we face.”

Nothing has changed since Phillip Hammond derided his former Cabinet colleague and he’s now on the backbenches determined not to make life easy for his new leader. This wouldn’t be a problem if BoJo had a Tony Blair like majority, but he doesn’t, he’s the leader of a minority government that soon the ten MPs from the bigoted DUP will not be able to prop up.

Johnson reminds me of a character from a Tom Sharpe novel. A hapless entitled over-privileged toff with a nostalgic view of Britain that Sharpe satirised in books he wrote in the 1970s. Who’d have thought a Tom Sharpe character would actually find themselves as Prime Minister of the United Kingdom in 2019?

Logo of Devon football team, Torquay United.

There’s more chance of Torquay United winning the F.A. Cup than BoJo delivering a successful Brexit.

Torquay United set to win the F.A. Cup

Occasionally, a low division football team will draw up against a Premier League side in the F.A. Cup. Of course, as a proud Devonian, I would love to see Torquay United beat, say, Liverpool or Chelsea, in an F.A. Cup match. Before the game, I could big them up, talk optimistic piffle saying “they can do it” and the like.

Alas, the reality of the situation is Torquay United cannot beat a Premier League football team, any more than BoJo can deliver a Brexit that will not be disastrous for the economy and people of this country.

The sooner this priapic clown is out of office, the better, so we can start to repair our economy, failing public services and international standing on the world stage.

Even in the USA, a country that doesn’t pay much attention to international events, they have noticed this buffoon who has been installed in Downing Street by less than 0.2% of the British population.

Level of chaos not seen since World War II

Veteran US television news host, Lawrence O’Donnell, said Britain now faces a “level of chaos … not seen since World War II.”

He attacked Johnson for offering “impossible” promises and said he was someone who did not “distinguish between fact and fiction”.

When US news networks have noticed the UK has appointed a bungling idiot as Prime Minister then the UK should take note. If Parliament blocks ‘no deal’ then a General Election is inevitable.

I say to all you doomsters, gloomsters and naysayers worried about a Johnson Premiership, this is a great opportunity to make sure Boris Johnson beats George Canning’s record as the shortest-serving British Prime Minister ever and to show the Tories that when you lurch to the far-right, the electorate will punish you accordingly.

Chris Bovey, writer and musician.

Chris Bovey is a businessman, writer, artist, musician and practical joker. He lives in Devon with his partner, two children and cat. You can follow him on Facebook or Twitter @ADHD_BadBoy.

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