Bo Jo the Clown remains Prime Minister, but nothing has changed

By Chris Bovey

Shortly before the polls closed, I was hoping for another shock exit poll predicting yet again a Hung Parliament.

Deep down I knew this was unlikely, or otherwise, we would have seen a similar shift in the opinion polls we saw in the runup to the 2017 general election in Labour’s favour. Furthermore, a couple of polls correctly predicted a Hung Parliament when Theresa May called her snap election, whereas this time, not one poll was predicting anything other than a Tory majority.

The second I saw the exit poll, I knew the Tories had won. Exit polls have been wrong in the past but never by that much and on Friday the 13th we woke up with Bo Jo the Clown and his Tories goons in power for five more years while they attempt to deliver their shitty Brexit.

Craig McGee who is partially deaf and blind is terrified of five more years of Tory government. You can follow him on Twitter @guilt_manager.

Understandably, millions of people in this country are gutted, some even scared. A 29-year-old disabled friend of mine, Craig McGee, who is completely blind, partially deaf and suffers from an anxiety condition is terrified at the prospect of five more years of Tory government. The terror of having to have his benefits assessed wondering if the likes of Iain Duncan-Smith will declare him ‘fit for work’ is not appealing to him.

Craig said to me on Facebook messenger the day after the result: “This has made me seriously consider suicide. Unfortunately, that’s not a sensational lie, it’s the god’s honest truth. Worrying about no NHS, worrying about being left without my support worker to die, whilst the Tories’ glory over my death. ­Being terrified of the far-right being in control. Homophobic, Islamophobic, racist bigots ruling the UK. I want to get out, but I can’t! I feel trapped here in little Britain full of some of the nastiest people on the planet.”

Of course, I tried to reassure him and promised I would always be there for him. His words had such an emotional effect on me, I do what I do in such situations, I type.

The majority did not vote Conservative

The reason so many people are depressed and upset at the result is quite obvious. More people in the UK did not vote for Boris Johnson’s Conservatives than did. Yet, because of our undemocratic FPTP voting system that has also benefited Labour in the past, they get a Parliamentary majority on a minority share of the vote.

Boris is already starting his term as one of the most unpopular governments ever. It wasn’t so much the Tories won the election, but the opposition parties lost it with a bad campaign.

We can take comfort that the majority of the electorate who bothered to vote on Thursday did not put an X against BoJo’s Tory loonies. The country is not completely barking mad, only our electoral system is.

Like the USA, the UK has a government that the majority of the country cannot abide.

Political parties are not fairly represented in Parliament, especially the Greens.

I voted for the Lib Dems, although I would have voted tactically for Labour if I lived in an area where only they could beat the Tories. They came second in my seat of Totnes, losing a respected good constituency MP, Dr Sarah Wollaston, who defected to the Lib Dems, to an inexperienced 28-year-old Tory boy blow in from London who will be Boris’ lapdog for the yokels.

It goes without saying, I do not think it fair that a party that got nearly 12% of the vote only has 1.6% of MPs in the Commons, but that’s because I am a liberal so I believe in democracy, unlike the Tories who do not. The lying Tory toerags will do or say anything to hold onto power, they’ve always been like that, but this lot are the worst ever.

The first general election I ever voted in was 1992 at the age of 19, which the Tories unexpectedly won with a small but workable majority. They won by lying and demonising the then Labour leader, Neil Kinnock (sound familiar?).

The Major years

It didn’t go very well for John Major, who by comparison to Bo Jo the Clown, was a far more honourable man and told way less fibs. When Major couldn’t deliver on his election promises five years later the Tories were annihilated in 1997 and again in 2001, winning less seats than Corbyn’s Labour won in the 2019 election.

Nothing has changed. Brexit will still cause economic disaster and job losses, which will mean the Tories will not have enough money to pay for improving the public services that they’ve spent the last 10 years destroying. The election result changes nothing.

Now given many of the Tory gains were from poor deprived regions of Britain, that will make it an even harder task for them to retain the seats in 2024 than John Major had in 1997. By then the Brexit mess will have kicked in and Boris will have reneged on his promises to improve public services. Can he fool them twice? Only time will tell, but I doubt it.

I quite enjoyed the Major years, which were plagued by Tory scandals. He was so unpopular, the Tories kept on get routed in local elections and lost nearly all their councillors, and they lost every Parliamentary by-election including some with Tory majorities of over 20,000. It was fun to watch and be a part of.

We can still laugh

BoJo the Buffoon and the rest of his carpet baggers will provide plenty of comedy for the large anti-Tory Facebook pages that I help admin. Those pages that will be even bigger in 2024 when the Tories will be up for re-election telling the same lies again. We already have a reach of over five million people a month, it will be a lot more in five year’s time!

Sure, we cannot take it for granted that the narcissistic sociopathic poltroon will not get away with selling the same lies again at the next election, but as far as I’m concerned, the fight to get this useless serial liar out of Downing Street along with the rest of his inept Tory cronies starts now.

People are understandably worried about repairing the damage that another five years of Tory government will undoubtedly cause this country, but remember a Labour government created the NHS after World War II. A health service for all that was once described as the ‘envy of the world’, before Thatcher’s Tories got their grubby hands on it.

Now not even I think Boris Johnson can do as much damage to this country as Adolf Hitler, although I’m sure he’ll give it his best shot.

Tony Blair pretty quickly fixed a lot of the mess left after 18 years of Tory misrule by a massive cash injection into public services in the late 1990s that had a positive multiplier effect on the British economy.

Voting reform needed

We are a sturdy bunch the Brits, we will survive five more years of these incompetent cretins in power and we will not only fix the mess they’ve made, but also ultimately our undemocratic voting system will be reformed so these nasty Tory monsters are never again elected with a majority government on a minority share of the vote.

Bo Jo will make the Major years look like a steady responsible government by comparison, and remember what happened to Sir John Major. He didn’t have to win over working-class constituencies that have voted Labour for decades who don’t want to see the NHS flogged off or their communities destroyed by job losses in order to remain in power.

I’m just going to sit here laughing while Bo Jo fucks everything up as Brexit unfolds being the disaster all economists, including Nobel Prize winners, predict it will be. He will certainly keep me busy using Photoshop creating memes taking the piss out of him.

The Tories in power for another five years will certainly keep me busy in Photoshop.

The irony is when the UK comes knocking back to be asked to be let in the EU, we will have to join the Euro and we’ll lose all our very generous opt-outs. That’s if they let us back in, but Europeans are not as nasty and spiteful as the British Tories so I expect they’ll let us back in if we ask nicely.

Chris Bovey is a businessman, writer, artist, musician and practical joker. He lives in Devon with his partner, two children and cat. You can follow him on Facebook or Twitter @ADHD_BadBoy.